Everlasting fulfilment within yourself.

Good day folks.

I've realized recently that everlasting fulfilment or soulful love for oneself truly does come from within.

It has forced me to re-examine everything I thought to be my needs.

And ask truly different questions of myself on a spectrum that I've never explored before..

In my  past I've always tried to find this from people and it could not be maintained and was too much to ask of anyone.

It has affected every aspect of me as of late and caused me to look in different directions for my forevers. 

I've recently been exposed to people that got lost like myself ones I can see my past self in. But by my observations still are using different crutchs as I once did and I still struggle with , but making no changes to find there balance and thereby being what I used to be a vampire of energy in love from someone or something they barely know & reaching out in unhealthy ways that are not maintainable and still leave you alone and lost.. as I've learned the hard way no matter what you always have to take yourself with you wherever you go.

I have great empathy for them and understand how difficult it is when you're looking externally for what should come from inside through action, maintenance and education...of one's Selfish needs that are screaming to be met inside all of us. So I am trying different things exploring scary ideals that are outside of my comfort zone and living in a different way, creating habits .... And following through on them. 

Shall we say I am putting my money where my mouth is.

We all do the best we can but I am grateful that I'm able to search now in a open and honest way ,  I truly feel the universes feedback now. 

Trusting my intuitions trusting my emotions and always telling that truth instead of a version I think someone else needs. 

Don't get me wrong it's fucking hard.

Expressing myself being true to myself and finding ways that include no one else to be happy and balanced so I keep a balance with the people I love and I don't tax them Beyond their own Journey and needs.

How I found happiness in my past was by giving back to everyone else being a fireman ,Raising a family & thinking that was happiness and it was at the time.

But through loss of immediate family and life changes there was no forever in it.

Not for me anyway.

My second or third rebirth that I'm in now LOL.

Everything has changed again , me included the questions I asked and the direction I go everything absolutely everything.

Love for me is number one and that includes just one person in an intimate way.

But in order to maintain that perfection that I need and love and feeds me I need to find ways to balance my soul, my peace and my  love in a different way so I can never fall into that lost world I once lived in. It is where I see so many people reside in a permanent way. You're never alone when you're lost there's more of us, out there than you will ever believe but you're still lost.

Strength comes to you as you call yourself on your own bullshit and in the search and the brutal honesty to oneself you become resistant to anyone and everything that needs to tell you your journey is misguided or flawed, in fact when you're truly there no matter what they say you don't really feel it. You can see it hear it and it does not affect you're inside intuitions and feelings I'm still working on this part.

I am so grateful for that inside me now.

It's the start of a great journey the one I've been seeking the one that brings me peace so I can achieve greatness and create Beauty and balance forever and ever amen.

I'm grateful for the contrast in the past now and in the future that helps me steer my ship to wherever it goes in my Life...

Have a beautiful week folks find colour in the grey it's there you just have to refocus everyday and find it and stay in that place.

Peace and Love from The Darkside that is so so bright.

Thanks for the read.

✌️😎✌️